mothergoodbypaige

I mentioned in my last post that I held a discussion last semester as part of a final project. I tried to get my findings published in the Gender Studies Journal but was rejected due to lack of funding. I am not trying to give myself an eg0-boost or claim in any way that my paper should have been published. (I admit to writing it and sending it in after one sitting at Como…) I just want to argue that this brings up two points 1. Maybe the lack of funding for the Gender Studies academic journal has something to do with the lack of attention for the major in general. Which, we know by now is only a supplementary major at Notre Dame and cannot stand by itself. 2. My paper was designed to bolster communication about salient issues around campus. Everything worthwhile needs to be talked about. The respectful discussion about a particular topic, not the agreement, is what remains crucial and must be encouraged at our school. If we are at the peak of our intellectual curiosity, surrounded by people from diverse backgrounds with rich and varied perspectives, isn’t our environment  basically begging us to start talking to each other about topics that actually matter? We have teachers that are willing and eager to meet up with us during office hours or over coffee, they invite us to their houses (Thanks Professor Palko!), we have friends at our finger tips living next door or in our own room that are always available to bounce around ideas with, we have stimulating readings and lectures available for free everyday. We need to start taking advantage of it. Even if we are seniors.

In her blog, Anne discusses the lack of conversation about Planned Parenthood and abortion on campus. Sure, we all know when South Quad gets filled up with tiny white crosses that remind us of the unborn babies. Yes, we are aware of the church’s stance on abortion. But these topics are salient and especially relevant in the bigger world we live in.

Anne said, “Thanks to a recent vote by the US House of Representatives to revoke all federal funding for Planned Parenthood (none of which went to provide abortions, for what it’s worth) and this week’s passage of a new Texas law forcing women wishing to obtain an abortion to undergo an ultrasound at least 24 hours before the procedure can be done, the topic of a woman’s right to abortion access has been front and center in the news for weeks.  Despite this, however, I’ve noticed a stunning lack of debate and discussion around campus on this very important, very timely issue.  Regardless of our views, we shouldn’t be afraid of this topic, nor should we be apathetic towards its impact on our lives and society.  We won’t always live in the Notre Dame bubble, and I believe it’s time that we prepare ourselves for the debates and discussions which lie beyond.”

Anne’s argument is eloquent and powerful. I affirm you! Last week, one of my best friends sent me a link to sign a petition against the elimination of federal funding for Planned Parenthood. She knows my stance on Planned Parenthood and knew I would be eager to sign anything that supported it. When I signed the online petition, I inadvertently clicked a button that posted my support for Planned Parenthood onto my facebook page. My friend immediately remarked “wow, bold move.” I started having slight qualms, did it look like I was pro-abortion? Did people automatically assume I was making a statement on abortion, instead of showing my support for the sexual education, birth control, AIDS and STD prevention that Planned Parenthood offers? I almost clicked “Hide” on my wall to remove the post, but then a tiny facebook miracle happened. I saw my sister “liked” the post. Just that one affirmation allowed me to keep it up there. Yes, I was proud to support Planned Parenthood. Yes I know people who have benefitted from their services that would not have been able to without their help.

Why did my friend think it was such a bold move? She is a gender studies minor, a self-declared feminist, and yet did not feel comfortable posting this on her facebook as part of the Notre Dame network. Even deeper into the issue, why did not one person from Notre Dame show any support for my post? In fact, I received a notification that one of my guy friends “liked” my post, but when I went to check my wall, he had immediately removed it. He either made a mistake in the first place, or became so self conscious that he chose to remove his public support.

Whether or not you support planned parenthood, whether or not you want to “like” a post on my wall, or post your support publicly, I agree with Anne when she says that Notre Dame has remained uncannily silent in the wake of a major debate. We are an academic institution alongside our Catholic faith, we are thinkers and intellectuals. We can respectfully debate something that might be taboo to our faith. It is relevant in the world unto which we are about to enter without our Notre Dame support, besides for a diploma we are going to need to think for ourselves. We should start now.

I, too, saw the video of that adorable little effervescent girl bouncing around the screen proclaiming all that she loves to the mirror. She wasn’t saying it to the camera, but to herself! Looking right at herself in the mirror, straight on, staring herself in the eyes, and giving a “Daily Affirmation” to start off her happy day.

Does she have more confidence as a young child than we can claim at students at one of the premiere universities in the country? Anne, you say that “Girls at Notre Dame are smart.” There is no doubt about that. Coming from two different transfers, I’ve encounter a lot of smart female students in a lot of different places. And they all suffer from the same self-defeatist attitude that undercuts their own intelligence. This may not be an obvious trend. I don’t know many females who go around touting how stupid they are, the dumb cute thing got called out really quickly in adolescence. (I was told by my mom to stop twirling my hair “It makes you look like a ditz.” ) I’m known to do goofy things now and say “I’m smarter than I appear.” Why do I feel the need to explain how intelligent I am.

We are not girls. We are not the five year old child small enough to climb on top of her sink and jump around the bathroom. We are women. So why do we continue to call ourselves girls? We are in an adult world that we contribute to in worthwhile, constructive ways everyday. We graduate in greater numbers and with greater academic than our male counterparts, yet we call ourselves girls.

The self-effacing habit is perpetuated by our daily habits. It is in our language, it is in our etiquette, it is prevalent. I would love to conduct a study that would record what people say in class. Just a stenographer sitting in the corner who jots down how each student who raises their hand introduces their comment for class. I would be willing to bet that female students add more qualifying statements. How many times have we heard the unnecessary phrase “I might be wrong but…” “I may be totally off track here but…” “Going off what he/she said…” “Yeah, kinda along those lines…”

Why do we have to either 1. apologize for going off track 2. assume we are wrong 3. need to agree with someone else to be validated?

I held a forum last semester on the hook up culture at Notre Dame that consisted of a candid conversation between female students, ranging from freshman to Masters level. One of the most salient themes that I observed from the conversation was that women feel the need to apologize where they are not in the wrong. In fact, most times the other person whom they are apologizing to is in the wrong. For a boy who is making a sexual advance on a non-consenting girl, it is not common for him to hear “Sorry, but my friends need me” “Sorry! I gotta go to the bathroom” “Sorry! i have a boyfriend!”

For whatever reason, clarification and apologies are rampant in girl-talk. Just like Anne and Kelly said, we need to start taking ownership of our intelligence. Non-apologetic, confident, and self-assured ownership. Instead of saying I’m so sorry you are making me feel uncomfortable, random boy on the dance floor at Fever, we should be saying “you should be sorry because you are making me feel uncomfortable.” We should be starting off our conversations in class with self-confidence of a young adult woman who knows she is intelligent, knows what she says is perceptive, knows that it will contribute to class, and is not afraid to sound as smart as she is.

I don’t know, sorry if I’m ranting, maybe I’m wrong, I’m just going off what Kelly and Anne said….

The Motherhood Manifesto as understood by pop cult figure Lady Gaga. I don’t have words for the following video. Does motherhood mean giving birth to a gun? What is going on here?